


Just One More

by PlayerOneMell



Category: Be More Chill
Genre: Angst, Angsty McAngst Angst Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Cutting, Depression, Insomnia, M/M, Michael's a badass, Nightmares, Post: SQUIP, Self Harm, boyf riends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-03-31 22:23:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13984557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlayerOneMell/pseuds/PlayerOneMell
Summary: Jeremy feels the SQUIP control him after a terrible nightmare he has. In attempt to save himself he tries to call Michael. The SQUIP taunts Jeremy with the same words, and Michael's on his way over. But can Michael make it in time?





	Just One More

It was Jeremy’s second nightmare that night. He tries to see his alarm clock, but his vision is blurred. He peers out a window making him aware it was still nighttime at the very least. He was in a complete state of panic feeling static flow throughout him. It’s been a bit over a year since the SQUIP left Jeremy, but his nightmares are always there. Jeremy usually doesn’t get this bad; this one was vivid and felt too real.

_What’re you gonna do?_

The muffled voice of the SQUIP in the back of his mind.

_What’re you going to do Jeremy? Everything about you sucks! You're a loser._

Jeremy flinches as the voice gets louder. He needed to do something as he feels his body heating up. How can he stop this pressure from blowing up?

_You need good posture Jeremiah!_

Michael is the one who usually calls him Jeremiah…Michael…maybe Michael could help. Jeremy's trembling hands grab his phone as tightly as he can. Tears pour out of his eyes. Michael would want to know…Michael would want to help.

_You think he's going to answer you, Jeremy? You hurt him!_

Jeremy practically smashes the phone screen into the side of his face hearing the phone ring. He needed to at least hear Michael's voice, he didn't care-

_You do care Jeremy, don't lie to yourself._

Jeremy's muscle spas at the thought.

_Everything about you makes me wanna die._

Jeremy lets a sob out of his body as Michael picks up the other line. Jeremy stalls for a second making sure that it isn't a voicemail recording or something.

“Jer?” Michael waits for a response. “Jeremy? Are you there? Are you okay?” Michael asks quickly with concern in his voice.

“I-I-I…uh. I um..im im so s-s-sorry.” Jeremy slurs out of his voice still worried he might hear another voice in the back of his mind.

_You should be sorry, you freak! You deserve to hurt!_

“M-m-Michael?”  
“What is it buddy?” Michael asks getting out of bed knowing what's coming next.  
“I-I-I it's the SQUIP.”

Michael wasn't expecting that. Michael nearly drops his phone on the ground at the word. Michael knew about the nightmares and insomnia Jeremy now experiences, but Jeremy never gave detail. Jeremy had also never been this bad since the first week without that damned super computer in the back of his head.

Jeremy starts shaking a bit more, feeling the earthquake enclosed inside of his ribs.

_Don't make him do things for you. Just die and make it easy. Then he won't have to see you suffer anymore._

The SQUIP was pounding against Jeremy’s brain. Jeremy knows he has to say something to the silent Michael.

_How dare you scare him like that._

“I n-n-n-need…I'm s-s-sorry.” Jeremy tries to keep himself away from the hyperventilation.  
“Jeremy, listen to me okay? I'm coming over. We are going to get through this.” Michael says walking out of his house.

_You know what you should do Jeremy._

The SQUIP never used to promote things like this, but the SQUIP had been destroyed, hadn't it? Jeremy's sure it's just his late night thoughts wanting to hurt him or something.

“M-M-Michael n-n-no. You don't have to.” Jeremy says getting out of bed.

_Good, now walk boy. You don't want Michael to see you like this. So you won't be able to see him._

“This isn't a choice buddy. We are going to get through this. Just hang tight until I get there?” Michael runs to his cruiser and hangs up the phone.

Michael's knuckles went white as he gripped the steering wheel. He has to get to his boy to save him. Michael wants nothing more for Jeremy to stop hurting, and so he tries to get there as fast as he can.

Jeremy walks himself to the bathroom searching the cabinets for something to do the SQUIP’s bidding. He sees something shiny and winces a bit.

_That! Grab it…now._

Jeremy extends his shaking fingers to grasp the razor that seems so far away. Jeremy bits his lips in fear knowing he has no choice but to listen. He looks where an old circuit line was on the inside of his arm. He didn't want to.

_Do it._

He listens. The wrist opens on the spot. It wasn't deadly, but it stung like hell! Jeremy's blood dripped all over the sink, his skin, and his pajamas.

_Good…now more._

Jeremy whimpers. He needs his Michael. He can't fight this on his own, but he feels like a shit head for making Michael come over at such a late hour. He takes a deep breath. He lets the once new metal streak another gash in his arm.

_Who has control now Jeremy?_

Jeremy starts sobbing again at the hideous sight. The blood dripping across his shirt, soon to be all red like Michael's sweatshirt. It oozes, Jeremy starts to feel dizzy. Jeremy falls to the ground, razor in his left hand. He didn't want to cut his left arm thinking it might be more dangerous with it being closer to his heart.

_Finish the job._

No…Jeremy didn't want to. The SQUIP was gone! Where is all this coming from? Jeremy hears a car down the street and the noise of a parking car outside his house. Jeremy jumps a bit at the noise, but he knows it's his Michael.

_He's going to find you…look what a mess you are._

Jeremy fought the shocking in his arm telling to raise the razor and just finish the final cut. His right arm pleads for mercy and stings. Jeremy continues bitting his lip eventually opening that up to blood loss as well.

_Just one more._

The lock on Jeremy's front door is jiggling.

_One more Heere._

The knob is twisted as the door creaks open.

_Just one more_

It echoes in Jeremy's mind.

_Just one more_

Pounding feet run up the stairs and past the bathroom looking into Jeremy's room. Jeremy raises his arm.

_Just_

A bag is flung on the floor.

_One_

“Jeremy?” Michael calls

_More_

The footsteps hear the wince in Jeremy's voice and sees the trail of freshly exposed blood. Jeremy goes to bring the razor down but Michael stops it causing Jeremy to cut the tip of Michael's thumb. Jeremy does miss himself; Michael is grateful even with the razor in his hand.

“Jeremy!” Michael says with loads of worry and a bit of pain.

Michael throws the razor into the trash and then the trash out the window. Michael can be kind of a badass at times. He cleans off his thumb; he quickly searches for bandages and applies pressure to Jeremy's gashes clogging the blood. Jeremy kicks and screams at the pain still hearing the SQUIP in the back of his mind. Jeremy keeps sobbing and loses control of his breath.

_YOU MESSED UP! NO SURPRISE THERE! You'll never learn to survive Jeremy._

“GET IT OUT!” Jeremy screams and cries hysterically as Michael attempts to fix what's physically broken.

Michael feels his heart break as Jeremy screams at the top of his lungs. They are so lucky that his father is on a business trip. Michael clamps his hand over Jeremy's mouth.

“Don't scream.” He begs Jeremy. “Bite me. I'll fix it.” Michael says reluctantly .

Michael would do anything to get his heart to stop from sinking into his intestines. Jeremy is Michael's boy, and Michael would do anything for him. He knows Jeremy would do the same for him.

“Jeremy..please.” Michael begs preparing himself for pain.

_Hurting him again, are you?_

Jeremy's eyes sting with the tears pouring out. The stinging in his arm more present. The buzzing in his ears growing. Jeremy doesn't know what to do. So he looks to Michael who is worried as fuck. He decides to listen. Jeremy clamps his teeth down on Michael's hand to stop the screaming. Michael winces a bit at the pain.

“Good Jer, now I know you can hear me for sure.” Michael says glancing back at his bag. “You can't move can you?”

Jeremy shakes his head letting his teeth drag across Michael's hand. Michael feels his skin start to peel. He'd do anything for Jeremy, but this is insanity.

_You little weeb! You should've just done it one more time. JUST ONE MORE!_

“Jeremy, I'm not gonna leave you, okay buddy?”

Jeremy tries to respond but fears if he opens his mouth away from Michael's hand he'll start screaming again.

“Okay…I just need to go get my bag.” Michael says pulling back his hand away from Jeremy's mouth.

Jeremy tugs on Michael's hand with his own. Michael falls to the ground as the sobbing Jeremy grabs onto him.

“Don't go.” He cries out.  
“Jer, do you want the pain to go away?”  
“Don't leave me Michael!”  
“I'm not gonna leave you player two! But do you want the pain to go away?” Jeremy slowly nods to respond to Michael. “Then you have to let me get my bag.”

Jeremy knows what'll happen if Michael leaves. There's more razors…but he lets Michael go anyway. Anything to make the pain go away.

_Just one more_

The SQUIP whines in Jeremy's ear. Michael just across the hall is rummaging through his backpack for something.

_You're weak…one more time Jeremy._

“Michael!” Jeremy shouts as his body feels as if it's being pulled into the cabinet where the razors are kept.

_Fight all you want! YOU WILL FEEL MY POWER_

_JUST ONCE MORE JEREMY_

Michael looks with concern at Jeremy. His legs are having muscle spams as if he's having a tantrum. He keeps screaming. Michael looks at his hand which has teeth marks on it. It doesn't seem like it was too painful, and Michael wanted to relieve Jeremy of this pain. Poor Jeremy who's a prisoner to that damned quantum technology.

“MIKEY MAKE IT STOP!”

Alarms go off in Michael's head, Jeremy **never** calls him Mikey unless he is deadly sick or higher than a kite; Michael finds what he's looking for and pulls Jeremy away from the cabinet. Jeremy continued to beg Michael to get the voice out of his head, he pleads at Michael for the pain to stop. He wraps one arm around him to keep him down and another unscrew the old nineties soda.

“Jeremy listen to me, okay? I need you to drink all of this.”

_What does he know? He's never had a SQUIP. He's never felt alone._

Except in that bathroom. Jeremy retaliates to the SQUIP’s comment.

_He deserved it._

“Michael…do it…do it..” Jeremy cries without screaming.

Michael can see the pain behind Jeremy's eyes. Michael couldn't take the heartache anymore. Michael looks at the exposed Mountain Dew red. He needs this to stop. Jeremy needs help. Jeremy needs his Michael.

“Just drink. Do something to let me know if you can't breathe.” Michael sighs grabbing the bottle. “And most importantly…no matter what it says, it isn't true. I'm right here..do whatever you need to my arm.”

Michael swings the bottle into Jeremy's mouth after taking a deep breath. Jeremy enjoys the taste of the red Mountain Dew. He starts flinching as the voice dies down. Jeremy starts feeling how soaked his clothes are. He starts kicking again. He hangs onto Michael's arm that's wrapped tightly on his chest. He loved the warmth Michael gave off.

“Almost there buddy, keep chugging.” Michael says calmly.

Jeremy finishes the last few drops feeling warm inside. His tears still roll down his hot face. The tears stained around the freckles patterned across his face. Michael removes the bottle and starts playing with Jeremy's hair. Jeremy's lets sobs out, but doesn't move from Michael's lap.

“I-I-I”  
“Shhh, shhh, shh…I'm here Jer.” Michael reassures.

Jeremy sits up into Michael's lap. He curls himself into a ball in Michael's arms. He listens to the steady heartbeat in Michael's warm chest. Does that Heart beat for him?

It does.

Michael picks up Jeremy pressing a kiss to his forehead. Jeremy smiles a genuine smile. He still whimpers at the pain of his bandaged arms rubbing against Michael's red sweatshirt.

“I love you Michael.” Jeremy says quickly through tears.  
“I love you too! I'd do anything for you.” Michael says placing Jeremy on his bed.

Jeremy tugs on Michael's sweatshirt begging him to lay by his side. Michael gladly takes this chance pressing a kiss into Jeremy's neck. Jeremy whines a little.

“Now that's a whine I like to hear.” Michael smiles against Jeremy's neck. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jeremy is silent, and he chest continues heaving. Everything aches. Everything is sore. He wants to stop crying; he doesn’t want Michael to see him like this. But he can’t help it. He decides to roll over so he and Michael are facing each other.

“The-t-t-the SQUIP…w-w-w-was t-talking to me.” Jeremy stammers out between sobs that ripped through his throat.

Michael sits up letting Jeremy lay across his chest. Jeremy wraps his arms around Michael and nuzzles into his chest letting Michael keep one around him and one in his hair. Michael could feel how shaky Jeremy was. Michael can see the ache glow off of Jeremy's pale skin, which is looking a bit paler than normal.

“I know buddy, I know. But I’m here okay?”  
“It-t-t-t wanted to k—k-kill myself…cause everything ab-b-b-bout m-m-me…is just…terrible.” Jeremy lets the hot tears run on his flushed face.  
“Jeremy, everything about you is perfect. The SQUIP Is wrong.”   
“Is it g-g-g-gone?” Jeremy asks sounding like a small child.

In all honesty, Michael doesn’t know the answer. He just wants the crying boy across his torso to stop crying. He runs his fingers through Jeremy’s curly mop.

“Yes buddy, it’s gone.” Michael says calmly.   
“Michael, don’t lie to me.”   
“Look Jer, I don’t know. That’s honesty. I will always be here to stop it…Jeremy you have to fight it with all you can.”  
“I tried.” Jeremy wails through his sobs. “I-i-ii-i did! I swear Mikey! You g-g-g-gotta believe me!”   
“I do, I do. You were so brave player two, and I am so proud of you.” Michael tries to hush the smaller boy. “Just breathe with me, okay?”

Jeremy slides up Michael’s torso letting himself listen to Michael’s breathing. He desperately clings to Michael’s waist and listens to his heartbeat. Jeremy’s breathing slows, and the sobbing stops. Michael is there, not the SQUIP.

“Good Jeremy…good.” Michael says happily.

Jeremy can feel exhaustion start to creep into him, but there’s an alarming shock down his spine causing a few more tears to fall. Jeremy grabs Michael’s hand and Michael jumps a bit realizing there’s still bite marks in his hand.

“I’m so sorry.”   
“There’s nothing to be sorry for Jeremy.” Michael says calmly. “I asked you to bite my hand to relieve your pain. The SQUIP was trying to control you.”   
“I’m sorry I let it.” Jeremy says rubbing Michael's hands with his thumbs.

Michael grabs Jeremy’s jaw. He wipes his thumb against Jeremy’s soft cheekbones to wipe away his tears.

“I’m pitiful.” Jeremy mumbles. “Everything about is so terrible!”   
“Jeremy! No! You are wonderful and beautiful and smart and anything but normal! You are special Jeremiah Heere! I mean, I don’t just fall in love with anyone. Only you. Because you’re special. You are the only reason my heartbeats.”

Jeremy smiles and almost purrs like a cat at the thought. Michael loves him, truly loves him. Jeremy questions if he even deserves Michael’s love. He swings his legs over Michael’s lap and wraps his arms around Michael’s neck. His head goes back into the crook of Michael’s neck.

“I-I-I-I don’t deserve you.”  
“Jeremy, if anything I don’t deserve you.”  
“Don’t say that.”

Michael shifts a bit making Jeremy squeak in fear. Jeremy holds onto Michael tighter. Michael's concern grows a bit more, if it could.

“Don't go.”  
“I'm not going anywhere Jeremy. I'm staying with you. Forever.” Michael whispers looking down at his Jeremy.

He wasn't going to let anything hurt Jeremy, not if he can stop it. He sighs reaching off the bed to grab a smaller bottle of Mountain Dew Red.

“You ever hear it again, I'm leaving this here.” Michael says putting the soda bottle on Jeremy's night stand.  
“Thank you, player one.”  
“It's no problem, player two.”

Jeremy sighs lying down letting Michael spoon him. The panic in Jeremy has completely subsided.

“Talk more in the morning?” Jeremy sighs through a yawn.  
“Anything you need.” Michael says pressing one last kiss into Jeremy's cheek.  
“Goodnight Michael. Thank you.” Jeremy takes a deep breath. “I love you.”  
“I love you too Jeremy… goodnight.”

The boys slept peacefully in each other's arms that night. Jeremy's nightmares slow after that night. Anytime Jeremy hears the SQUIP, he simply takes a swig of the Mountain Dew Red Michael left. Anytime Jeremy needed him, Michael was there. Michael wouldn't want to be doing anything else. Michael would never let that SQUIP control Jeremy ever again.

“Say it, please Michael? It hurts.” Jeremy begs a few years later in their own house.  
“I love you Player two, and I'm not going anywhere.”

And he never left Jeremy's side. Michael stays true to every word he speaks to Jeremy. Jeremy never left Michael. Jeremy still being haunted by three terrible words.

_Just one more._

**Author's Note:**

> Hey friends! If you like this maybe you'll enjoy reading "In His Eyes" it's much angsty. Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed.


End file.
